If your role in life is to influence or persuade people to acquire or purchase something, then the following ideas should interest you. When using these techniques my sales closing rate is over 70%. If you can’t beat that score then you had better try these ideas.

• Deal only with people who have the need, buying authority, money or available credit to purchase your solution, product or service.
• Ask questions to determine the prospect’s need or want to relieve a pain (a fear-based concern) or desire to seize an opportunity (a greed-based goal)?
• Understand that the solution a person buys (real or imagined) is far more important than what you think you are selling. People usually buy benefits, increased value, utility, or risk avoidance; not features or advantages of a product or service.
• Think carefully – Is there a risk that the proposed solution may fail to deliver expected results? How important is the risk to the buyer? Are there many risks?
• Put yourself in the prospect’s shoes – is the proposed solution appropriate and a good fit? If not, why not and what can you do about that?
• Consider the buying decision process. Are other people involved? Do you need to make a presentation to a management group or buying committee? If so, who will make the final decision?
• Determine if the potential buyer is ready and able to make a buying decision today. If not, when?
• Find out if there are power, fame or safety issues involved in the purchasing decision. If so, what will you do about it? Can these issues provide an opening for you to satisfy the needs?
• Find out if the personality of the potential buyer is that of an innovator or pioneer; joiner or groupie; resistor or guardian. Each requires a different approach, presentation and closing technique.
• Assess your relationship with the potential buyer. Were you referred to them or is the initial contact a “cold call?” If you were referred, is the relationship strong, moderate or weak? Are other people making similar proposals to the potential buyer? If so, is their relationship strong, moderate or weak?
• Is there another person or group in the potential buyer’s organization who will support your sales proposal?
• Be sure you are really ready, qualified and desire to sell before you start. Your enthusiasm, confidence and sincerity will be on trial. Don’t create the wrong perception by being weak in one of those areas.
• Do something uncommon to attract potential buyers. Use signs, props, demonstrations or other “lures” to attract attention and make someone want to know more.
• Practice your sales presentation until you can automatically perform it and answer the usual questions, concerns and objections.
• Objections can be your friend. They usually signal a need for more information or a better demonstration of your ideas or products.
• Learn to take reasonable risks during your presentation. After all, the only negative result is likely to be some sort of rejection. Most buyer rejection is not personal. If you do not take risks you will never accomplish anything of importance. Some people believe that luck is taking worthwhile risks.
• Know that in most selling situations, you can anticipate and decide in advance how to deflect rejection before it happens.
• Anticipate what may go “right” or “wrong” during your sales presentation and decide in advance how to respond without blowing the deal.
• Be flexible–situations, delays, opportunities, weaknesses and threats may develop that you cannot predict. Have and alternate or “Plan B.”
• At the beginning of your presentation it is important to get the full attention and interest of your prospect. Call them by their preferred name and give them a strong reason to participate in the conversation.
• Listen more, talk less.
• Do not rush or push buyers to make a decision unless the product supply is truly limited.
• Imagine that each new buyer is becoming part of a linked chain that drives the engine of your success. Create the longest chain possible.
• Give full attention to your prospect–do not become distracted by telephone calls or other controllable events.
• Make sure that your environment, dress, body language and behavior supports what you are thinking and saying (even when talking to a buyer on the phone). Visual cues are often more powerful than words you are using.
• Evaluate your sales results daily and determine how to improve your performance.

Cheers,

Jon Taber

We probably make hundreds or perhaps thousands of choices every day. Some are simple: “I think I will get up.” “I’m going to have tea this morning instead of coffee.” Some are more complex and important: “Should I take highway 50 or 80 to get to San Francisco? I will take 80.”

• Some choices are automatic or unconscious; others are conscious, logical and require deliberate thought.
• Your choices may be made independent of prior beliefs, actions, outcomes or desires. In other words, you can start new ways of living, working and relating regardless of what has happened before. Making a choice can be a liberating act!
• Pattern recognition is at play in your mind at all times. Your mind is constantly looking for prior patterns of perception, belief, decision, action and outcome. It then links those patterns to provide continuity of understanding and behavior.
• Perception is not choice. It just is. Perceptions are a flow of information that our brain and mind use to relate to our environment and navigate through life.
• Part of ourselves is a witness to perceptions and feeds the information to the appropriate part of our brain and mind for processing and action.
• Your choices create intention, the intention leads to an action.
• Intentions or life processes are in motion all of the time. Every thought or mental image leads to an intention. The question is: “Is this what I really want to attract?”
• Intention is not an act of the Self, we don’t control the process that creates the outcome.
• Learn how to suspend judgment when emotion occurs as you make a choice. The emotion is not necessary appropriate or helpful.
• Almost all of our behaviors are compulsive, an irresistible impulse to act, regardless of the rationality of the motivation. Some of it is a pattern of habits, others are random.
• Once we make a choice to change a behavior and action it usually takes at least 21 days of repeated intended behavior before the new behavior becomes a useful and permanent habit.

Cheers,

Jon Taber

Today we will touch on how affirmations can help in all your relationships.

No reputable building contractor would begin construction of your dream home without detailed blueprints showing how the home will be assembled and what it will look like when it is completed.
Why would you attempt to change your beliefs, values, habits and behaviors without blueprints for achieving what you really desire?

Affirmations are simple, yet powerful tools you can use to describe and empower a new you. Affirmations are picture-like statements describing what you want to become, with enough emotional content to make them believable and full of energy.

For example: “Sandy, you see yourself more slim, weighing 125 pounds, more healthy and confident, hear compliments about your appearance and feel like a weight has been lifted from you.”

For greatest impact, affirmations should be brief, specific, positive and realistic.

Here are some ideas for creating powerful and effective affirmations:

1. Refer to yourself by your first name or “nickname”. Make your statements personal by using “I,” “me,” “you” and “your.” For example: “Ed, you are becoming more confident, relaxed and expressive during discussions with your supervisor. Your mind is filled with useful suggestions and ways to improve productivity, which you can easily describe and prove.
2. Use positive words and phrases. Negative or degrading words are too limiting or be misunderstood by your subconscious mind (it operates on a literal basis). Strive to convert negative into positive. For example:
3. Negative to Positive

can’t – can
won’t –  will
don’t – do
no – yes
never – always
bad – good
hurt – healthy
pain – sensation

• Refer to any condition you wish to change as being the opposite. For example: “clear-headed” instead of “headache.”
• Be either permissive or commanding. Most people respond more positively to permission and suggestion than to “orders.” You may be different. Try statements both ways and notice which approach works better for you. For example:

“Mary, you can… “ (permissive)
“Mary, you will… “ (commanding)

• Require a specific outcome or response at a specific time, either now or sometime in the future. Use the immediate future in most cases. For example: “I will become more happy starting at 3:00 p.m. today” or “I am more happy and carefree.
• Describe the specific result you want to create without specifying how you will achieve it (this will give your mind an unlimited opportunity to produce the best solution). For example: Liz, you will become a licensed commercial pilot by August 31, 2003.
• Use words with that describe pictures, sounds and feelings. For example: “Judy, I see your bouncy step, hear your joyful voice and feel stronger every day.”
• Congratulate yourself for your achievements. For example: Well done Bill, I knew you could do it!”
• Write your statements in advance. Give careful thought to what you want to accomplish.
• Repeat the affirmation 4-5 times each day while you are in a relaxed or carefree mood.
• While saying the affirmation, believe and feel that the statement is becoming your new reality.
• Work on only one major objective at one time. Up to three related affirmations can be use to support that objective.
• Believe in your ability to go around, under or over any obstacle. Persist until you accomplish what you desire.
• When paired with a strong visualization that matches your affirmation you should see your desired results before too long.

Cheers,

Jon Taber

What follows is an article I first wrote in 1975 and have periodically updated based on my experiences as a serial entrepreneur, CEO, business consultant, coach and trainer.  In addition, I have worked with 36 colleges and universities, Fortune Global 100 organizations and groups as small as 10 persons. The  life cycles are similar regardless of size or organization type. I hope you can learn and profit from what I’ve observed and handled.

Life Cycles:

In my experience, groups of two or more people in any group or organization exhibit predictable life cycles. A life cycle begins when the group’s members first meet, and end with the members drifting apart or rapidly break-up. In most cases the life cycles are characterized by steps, or distinct changes in both individual and the group’s behavior, linked to specific activities and outcomes. Some steps have a short duration, while others take longer to unfold and run their course.

Variables:

Individual and group performance is affected by a large number of things such as:
• Activities
• Interpersonal relationships
• Work experiences of the members
• Roles, responsibilities, authorities and tasks of each individual
• The physical location of the people involved
• Communication tools and methods used to be in contact with each other
• Frequency and depth of communication,
• Organizational structure,
• Goals, work methods and procedures
• Leadership span of control
• Past and current relationships
• Expectations
• Financial considerations
• etc.

Get it Right the First Time:

Whether you are a team leader, supervisor, manager, “C” Level executive or some other responsible authority, if you are promoting, selling, planning, organizing, directing, leading or controlling activities and performance of people, an accurate assessment of the current life cycle step is necessary and crucial.

Risk and Loss:

Failing to accurately deal with the current life cycle will result in communication problems; wasted effort and resources; fear, anger, resentment or sabotage; loss of members; missed goals, cost overruns, and aborted projects/programs.

Typical Group and Organization Life Cycles

1. Start-Up – The group or organizational leader evaluates and recruits qualified members, describes the task, purpose, goals, expectations, authorities and responsibilities, work rules and process. Individuals agree to join the effort and work as a team. The leader or a designated training authority provides the training and live practice needed for the individual members to join the team, learn their part and perform as a motivated unit.

2. Dependence – The group, organization leader or designated trainer develop members to routinely do what they are supposed to do. Together they learn the skills and responsibilities of the task to be performed; evaluate actual performance; troubleshoot situational issues, and provide support needed to create reliable group or organizational performance. The members learn to trust the leader and become dependent on the leader for performance feedback and recognition.

3. Counter-Dependence – Informal leaders begin to emerge within the group and some may experiment with training program short-cuts, different roles, and changes in the rules and/or work process. Group performance falters as some individual members alter their expectations, lose their concentration and go “off task.”

4. Resolution of Authority – The formal leader reinforces their authority; the membership and leadership resolve their differences and everyone re-commits to the task. Trust is re-established and the process gets back “on task.”

5. Enchantment – Members focus their attention on individual responsibilities, performance, and quality of work. There is a merging of attention and action – time seems to fly by. Activities are changed to achieve desired outcomes. Informal leaders and members become enthusiastic and begin promoting the group and process to other people. The members function and perform as a team.

6. Disenchantment – Members become distracted, lose their concentration and discover that the process doesn’t always work; goals are missed, members become discouraged and wonder if they should be doing something else.

7. Interdependence – The formal and informal leaders push and encourage members to become a true team through a re-commitment to the purpose, tasks and mutual expectations. They re-establish open interpersonal communication, co-operation, problem-solving methods and problem avoidance to achieve intended results.

8. Stagnation – Needs, desires and interests of members are no longer being met so attention, interest and focus begins to wander; the formal leader’s authority is challenged, individual and motivation diminishes and performance falls-off.

9. Rejuvenation – The formal leader re-energizes the group, new informal leaders emerge to support the group’s efforts, new goals and objectives are set, the group embraces new opportunities and performance improves.

-OR-

9. Finish or Closure – The process slows as communications become infrequent or off-topic, leaders and members drop out of the group and then the process stops. The group and tasks are abandoned.

Summary:

Savvy leaders, managers and business coaches watch and track individual behavior, group performance and overall teamwork to determine which life cycle step is active, which step is coming next, and what to do about it. They also know which leadership tools and techniques to use to achieve desired results.

Do You Want to Know the Secrets?

If you want to know which leadership and management tools to use in a given situation keep watching over the next 12-18 months and I will disclose secrets that will save you from missed opportunities, business failures, career ending disasters and more. 

Can you really afford to wait? Why not do it now?

If you want to “Cut to the Chase” and learn today what you need to do at each step of the process please contact today and I will teach you the basics what you need to know during affordable paid private couching sessions with rates starting at $49.00 per session. Advanced coaching will cost more but return massive ROIs.

Cheers,

Jon Taber

email: jontaber.author@gmail.com

In the previous post I described what usually happens in Phase 2 – Awakening, Familiarization or Adjust to Reality, and Phase 3 – Open Conflict, Disappoint, and Power Struggles.

Today we will deal with Phase 4 – Stability and Re-Commitment to the Relationship and Phase 5 – Commitment, Acceptance and Real Love.

Phase 4 – Stability and Re-Commitment to the Relationship

• Your relationship crisis has passed; you and your partner agree to resolve differences, re-establish trust and harmony. This is a restful and peaceful phase compared to previous stress, fear, conflicts, disappointments or power struggles. Both of you feel at ease.

• There is a fresh feeling of friendship, support & commitment.

• Both of you re-establish outside interests and friendships put off in phase 1 and 2.

• You are loyal and faithful to each other.

• The current reality is accepted, as you both recognize that romantic make-believe is temporary.

OR

You and your partner may drift apart or become bored if phase 1 feelings not re-established. If this happens your relationship may revert to phase 3.

Phase 5 – Commitment, Acceptance and Real Love

Now begins a truly committed relationship, real love and perhaps marriage.

• You and your partner accept the other as you really are. There are no illusions, games or false pretenses.

• You and your partner experience genuine affection and desire to be together.

• You help and support each other in the daily challenges of living.

• You both make a choice to be with the other, no matter the cost or hardship

• You are loyal and exclusive to each other. There is no cheating of any kind.

• You want to share in mutually fulfilling activities.

• You try not to disappoint or control the other.

• You defend and protect each other.

• You do loving things for each other –even if friends or family don’t like it.

• You and your partner are a team – you have mutual goals and desires.

• You and your partner are “Best Friends.”

• Every day there are fewer nasty surprises, disagreements or arguments between you.

• You and your partner overcome issues and challenges without resentment, anger or revenge.

• In this phase you may choose to be married or to live as a committed couple.

Some researchers say that fewer than 15% of couples make it to Phase 5. If you do, congratulations! You have beaten the odds.

In the next post we will explore Group and Organization Life Cycles – A Key to Performance and Success.

Cheers,

Jon Taber

In the previous post I described what usually happens in Phase 1 – Dating, Romance and Courtship.

In the first phase we usually experience exciting and fulfilling emotions and situations with our new partner.  Our self worth soars and we are excited about life.

However, within 6 months of starting that relationship we encounter a new reality.

Phase 2 – Awakening, Familiarization or Adjust to Reality

After some time both of you relax and begin to let your guard down. Soon you notice:

• Your partner is not the person you imagined them to be. They have some quirks, faults or limitations that begin to annoy or concern you.
• You and your partner disagree about what are acceptable activities, contacts with others, or the use of mutual resources.
• Emotional excitement begins to fade a bit as you both establish routine behavior patterns, expectations and physical behaviors.
• There may be less frequent or satisfying sexual relations between you.
• There may be a breach of trust between you as something unexpected happens or a challenge threatens your relationship.
• One or both of you begin to feel stress, confusion or depression about how or why your relationship is changing.

OR

You or your partner contact previously attractive people and rekindle a past relationship whether in person or virtual through the telephone or Internet.

OR

If you and your partner are confident, honest and emotionally strong you can learn to openly discuss differences of opinion; you resolve conflict; strengthen mutual values and trust; and solve relationship problems together.  Couples at this stage can usually avoid phase 3 and jump to Phase 4.

OR

People who are dishonest and/or emotionally weak may fight over the smallest issues, problems and threats.  One or both may become emotionally withdrawn and will block attempts at affection or caring by their partner.  The combatants move into Phase 3.

Phase 3 – Open Conflict, Disappoint, and Power Struggles

This can be an emotionally charged phase where couples may cause emotional injury or stage a breakup.  Some of the things that might occur are:

• Both minor and major annoyances become constant and serious issues.
• You or your partner thinks the other is not listening, is uncaring, self-centered or a bully.
• You or your partner may question everything about the other and the relationship.
• Trust breaks-down and is replaced by fear, anger, resentment, or even an overwhelming desire for revenge.
• Physical, mental and emotional boundaries are created and defended at all costs.
• Affection and sexual relations between you and your partner become infrequent or may cease. In some cases rape is alleged when a partner declines to participate, but is threatened or forced to have sex anyway. This is often described as a sexually abusive relationship.
• You or your partner “cheat” on the other.  Previous commitments to your relationship are abandoned or forgotten.
• A crisis occurs and rather that solving or preventing more problems you or your partner terminate the relationship (breakup).

OR

• Both of you commit to swallowing your pride, stop fighting, learn to value each other and save your relationship.
• Both of you stop previously unacceptable behavior and do things that create a feeling of mutual safety, security, support and pleasure.
• Both of you break whatever contact you may have started with other attractive people.
• Both of you maintain friendships and family ties only with understanding and supportive people who celebrate and/or support your relationship.
• You and your partner accept and actively participate in coaching or therapy from qualified relationship experts who help you strengthen your ties.
• Last and most important, both of you forgive yourselves, and each other, for real and imagined shortcoming, conflict, stress, fear, pain, or injury.

In the next post we will explore what usually happens next.

Cheers,

Jon Taber

A committed relationship is where you and your partner explore and discover the strengths, assets and wonders of each other, and agree to love, support and protect each other through good times and bad. It is where you behave as described in many wedding vows:

“I, take you, to be my wedded (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally; to support you in your goals; to honor and respect you; to laugh with you and cry with you; and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

A truly committed relationship is not easy to attain. It takes openness, trust, support, commitment, safety, security and belief in the value of the other person and the partnership. It also takes into account caring, protection and support for your partner no matter what may happen along the way.

In most couple relationships there are 5 phases of growth, or dissolution, that unfold as the new partnership moves forward.

Sometimes one partner is out of synch with the other for a brief period of time, but that may not be a serious issue. Further, some phases may be repeated if the partners are not fully committed to positive changes, or if there are unresolved issues.

Regardless, this developing relationship may be the most powerful influence in the life of a maturing adult. It often is more powerful then relationships they have with family and friends.

Successful long-term relationships go through most of the following 5 phases although there may be exceptions. All relationships are unique, so some unusual behavior and results may to be expected. Depending on the individuals involved and their life experiences, there may be major differences from what is described below.

I will present Phases 1 today. Phases 2, 3, 4, and 5 will be presented over the next two weeks.

Phase 1 – Dating, Romance and Courtship

• You meet frequently in person, by video conference, telephone, text or email.
• You find emotional attachment to each other.
• You become excited every time you think about, talk to, or are with them.
• Some people experience love-at-first-sight.
• Both of you search for and recognize common interests, experiences and desires.
• You try to please each other with interesting activities, gifts and personal attention.
• You are on your best behavior around the others; bad habits and conflicts are minimized or avoided.
• You limit or avoid contact with others who previously were attractive to you.
• You may initiate or allow sexual relations with each other.
• You consider the other person to be your special friend, partner or significant other.
• Some people say that they have met their soul mate and can’t live without them.
• Time distortion, mental lapses and bliss are words people use to describe how it feels to fall in love.
• Both of you have a happy, positive outlook and want to be together as much as possible.

Thursday – January 12, 2011:

Part 2 - Awakening, Familiarization or Adjust to Reality

and

Sunday – January 15, 2011

Part 3 - Open Conflict, Disappointments, Power Struggles, Breakup or Perhaps Resolution and Commitment

Cheers,

Jon Taber